sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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