well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
