just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
