I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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