her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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