my vag is so smooth its legendary
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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