Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Text me some of your sweat
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