BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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