Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
