She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just high enough for therapy.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
