just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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