I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize