He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I had to cum in my sink.
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