id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
