Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
