Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
