Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
