My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize