let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
