I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
