I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
