i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You left your phone here
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