we were pretty classy up until the second keg
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
