You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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