I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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