fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
