chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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