My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
