she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
