If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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