omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
