i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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