Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
