weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Terrible idea I love it
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
