so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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