i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
