hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
