It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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