You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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