chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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