I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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