Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
