you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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