i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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