I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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