I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
