i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
