I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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