The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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