he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
