were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
