Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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