Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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