It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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