I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
