We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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