Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
