I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
