I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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