Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
