Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize