fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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