well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
