Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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