Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
