as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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