i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
