Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
