I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
