i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
